I puked a lego.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
