I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
