birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
