I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
