Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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