Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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