Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
