I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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