turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
