why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize