So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
