If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
