You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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