trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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