At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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