Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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