If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
