Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
