i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Randomize
