i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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