There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
