I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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