I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
