I want to make a zoo with you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I didn't notice because vodka
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
