Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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