Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
