you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we're making bets on your personal life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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