and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
