"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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