she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
