She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
