is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
