i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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