I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
