My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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