I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this just has baby written all over it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize