I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i believe in u and ur pee
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
