Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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