i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
