Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
