trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
