I puked a lego.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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