just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
