Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
