Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
