Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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