porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
