all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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