I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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