we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
