Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
