My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
