he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
