i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
