CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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