The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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