Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
