I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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