now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
