been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
