I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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