Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
high people should be assigned attendants
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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