It's Friday. Sex?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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