His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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